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#AskDrKongo: I can MASTURBATE to ORGASM when I’m ALONE but with my PARTNER, never. Why? #AskDrKongo: I can MASTURBATE to ORGASM when I’m ALONE but with my PARTNER, never. Why?
Dear Dr. Kongo, Here’s a question that I bet a lot of women have I certainly do. As a relative newcomer to sexual experience,... #AskDrKongo: I can MASTURBATE to ORGASM when I’m ALONE but with my PARTNER, never. Why?

Dear Dr. Kongo,

Here’s a question that I bet a lot of women have I certainly do. As a relative newcomer to sexual experience, I don’t seem to be having transcendental orgasms . The guy seems to have it much easier it’s all he can do to keep from coming right away, but I can’t focus enough to get there. I think it must be psychological, because I can masturbate to orgasm when I’m alone, but when I’m with my partner, I can get lots of good feelings, but never the “real thing.” This problem is often a source of tension between the two of us I resent that he can come, but he feels guilty that he’s experiencing this pleasure, and I’m not, and it makes us both very sad. (I know it’s not a relationship problem we’re definitely in love).

Regards,

Anonymous.

 


 

Dear Anonymous,

Youre certainly not alone in your experience of frustration with achieving orgasm during sex. In the search for ecstasy, there are endless ways to reach your own version of Sallys show-stopper. Exploring options with your partner (or further on your own) is often the key. You may be on the right track by guessing that your difficulty could, in part, be due to a disconnect between whats going on in your head and what youre feeling in your body. To bridge that gap, it might be worth refocusing what you hope to get out of a sexual experience with your partner,in addition to exploring areas of your body that, when stimulated, will be more likely to put you on the road to pleasure town.

Since you are able to orgasm through masturbation, have you thought about playing show and tell with your partner? Many couples enjoy masturbating in front of or with each other. Watching you pleasure yourself may be a big turn-on for your partner, and it gives him the opportunity to learn just how you like to be touched (and discover anyother erogenous zonesabove and beyond the clitoris and/or g-spot that get your motor running). Like any new sexual activity, masturbating with your partner may feel risky or embarrassing at first, but you both have a lot to gain by showing him what makes you tick.

Mechanically speaking, many women have difficulty reaching orgasm from sex alone. This is not about failure; this is about anatomy. During sex, the vagina may be stimulated, but the clitoris may be getting little attention. Its also worth figuring out whether stimulating theg-spot, or the Grafenberg spot, would be pleasurable for you (if you havent already). This is a sensitive area for some and its located just behind the front wall of the vagina between the back of the pubic bone, and the cervix.

If g-spot or clitoral stimulation gets you weak in the knees, consider talking to your partner about trying out some sex positions that stimulate those areas. Not sure which ones to try out? During vaginal sex, tilting your hips or shifting into a sexual position that increases contact with these sensitive areas might be a good place to start. If that doesnt do the trick, you (or your partner) may need to take matters into your own hands. Rubbing, pressing, or massaging your clitoris or g-spot during penetrative sex may provide an extra dose of pleasure that sends you over the edge.

You also mention not being able to focus enough to reach orgasm with your partner. Would it help you both feel more relaxed if you slow down the pace during intercourse? One option for vaginal sex is a woman-on-top position; that way, you can control the speed and depth of penetration. You can also try an interlude of mutual masturbation or oral pleasure to prolong your lovemaking session giving you more time to get acquainted with those transcendental sensations.

Lastly, have you considered just focusing on the pleasurable sensations you experience during sex, rather than having an end goal (of orgasm) in mind? Just letting go and enjoying the moment is easier said than done. However, you may find yourself pleasantly surprised if the end goal of having sex is just to have a good time, rather than a race to the finish.

Dr. Kongo.

 

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Kopnomi

Kopnomi is an online relationship magazine with a Nigerian touch. Areas of relationships covered include Matrimony, Dating, Courtship, Men, Women, Friendship, Sex, Love, Health, Lifestyle, Food, and Fitness. Kopnomi aims to provide valuable relationship content that entertain, inform, inspire, educate and inspire its audience.

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